Martes 13

What a shitty day, the sky's all cloudy
And I was really wanting to go out and catch some sun
On top of that, the neighbor's dog ran into my yard
It tore up a garbage bag, and also a chair

I’ll fix it later, right now I just don’t feel like it
I’m heading to the corner store to grab something for breakfast
I grab some cereal, some oranges, some apples
But I didn’t see the wet floor, and I slipped back

I wake up in the ambulance, what the hell is going on?
They say I hit my neck, that I need to calm down
I’m not calming down at all, let me out of here
Between punches and kicks, I managed to escape

I start walking to the bus stop
When someone yells, "Wolty, dude, I’m gonna kill you!"
With a knife in hand, and a twisted look
He lunged at me, trying to stab me

I managed to run away, I got lucky as hell
The cat was chasing me, I didn’t know where to hide
I quickly ducked into a hotel, took the elevator, seventh floor
Just as I was going up, suddenly it stops and I’m like: "No!"

The power went out, damn it
Plus, I had no signal, and no one was coming to help me
I heard screams outside, I started to panic
So I climbed out on the roof, like I saw in those American movies

I step out of the elevator, and I couldn’t believe it
A zombie apocalypse, and I’m stuck in a hotel
I quickly duck into a room, so they can’t see me
But those zombies heard me, they wanted to eat me

I barricaded the door as best as I could, and started to search
I found a katana, it was a Samurai's room
So I came out all geared up, started to slice them up
Arms and legs were flying, and that’s how I started to go down

I reached the ground floor, there was the dude with the knife
But turned into a zombie, guess he wasn’t so clever
He came at me again, that crazy zombie
And chop-chop-chop, I sliced him like a quince

I burst out of the building, quickly stole a motorcycle
And I hit 180, the monsters couldn’t catch me
One got in my way and I couldn’t even dodge
I crashed, flew off, and landed headfirst in the river

I started swimming, couldn’t waste any time
While I heard a sound coming from the sky
I looked up, and saw a UFO
It abducted me with its lights, I couldn’t move a finger

I wake up in a room, hear something coming closer
It was two aliens, speaking some weird language
They took me to their boss, who was pretty scary
And kept me as a pet for a few weeks

I earned their trust, because I behaved well
And over time, they let me out of the cage
As soon as I had a foot out, I smashed the guard's face
I grabbed the weapon, and to the boss, bam, shot in the leg

Now you’re my hostage, it’s not so funny anymore
I’m really pissed off, now you’re taking me with your crew
They took me to all of them, in front of their army
I blew their brains out, and said I’m the one in charge

I became the boss of the planet Birig Bamba
And took them to Earth, to reclaim it
We started killing zombies with Gamma technology
And saved the Earth from the terror that lurked

But there was nothing left, all the humans were dead
I went back to Birig Bamba, really pissed off, of course
I ordered the smartest scientists in the empire
To quickly build me a time machine

I also ordered them an antidote for Earth
So those damn zombies couldn’t live there
They did everything, and I said goodbye to them
And that’s how I went back in time to the day this all started

And there I was, seeing the trash the dog tore up
I walked over and said to myself: Sorry, Wolty, see you later
I had to kill myself, there can’t be two of us
I injected the antidote into the ground and goodbye to the dead

There couldn’t be zombies anymore but I was missing the UFO
I took a bazooka, let’s see if they come for me now
I see them appear, and I say: Alright, goodbye buddies
I shot a bazooka at them and they exploded like in 2000

Alright, problem solved
I went back home, gathered the trash, and buried my body
I lay down in bed because I was really tired
And slept deeply knowing what I had done