Stiller

Every day I talk myself through my life
from subway schedules and random stops
From top to bottom, no ground
Without silence
Restless, never clueless
Never lost for words
I just can't find the words

I try to explain the world to myself
as if there were lines between the dots
as if the words split the world into strips
I reach out but can't comprehend

What good are my hands
if what they touch just disappears
Like things do when words find them
They fall silent and slip away quietly

I'm not quieter
just the words are missing
I'm not quieter
just the words miss their mark
I'm not quieter
I really want to be silent
and still, much stiller
just point at everything and be quiet
quiet and vibrant
revealed itself to me -

I try to explain myself to the world
as if there were lines between sparks
as if the words could just brush by
What I reach for and I can't comprehend

What good are my beautiful thoughts
that sank among all the others
Because the heart of all thoughts is lead
Because everything they find is already gone