Emptiness And Catharsis

No matter how much I get
No matter how much I make it mine
I can't catch up

A word like aiming too high is rotten
Nobody wants to be better than anyone else
The reason is just one, I want it to be shattered, this emptiness

When I could see with a pure heart
Everything seemed rainbow-colored
Even the things I want to grasp blur and fade away

I don't think I want to die, I want to live so much
I want it, I want it, this soul
The irrational impatience, I can't stop it
I can't forgive, I can't forgive, I'm pathetic
Everything, everything, I'm inferior
I'm just hiding it with tears on the surface

Words like 'be obedient' are filthy
Dependency to the point of blocking ears is rather desirable
I kicked away the pain of loneliness with nowhere to go

With a heart so empty that I can't cry
A voice silently throbbing
Even the things I want to achieve blur and fade away

Even the things I want to grasp blur and fade away

I don't want to disappear, I want to be destroyed
Twisted clamor, rusted and entangled
If it becomes shattered and murky, it'll be beautiful
I feel sorry, I feel sorry, I get sick of it
Meaning, ceased, breath, ceased, ideal = old fantasy
Without even resisting, I'm just scared
I'm just scared