El Niágara En Bicicleta

I got hit with a wave on a Sunday morning, when I least expected it
I fell flat, like a soursop, onto the sewer grate
Is it the pressure or has my bilirubin gone up?
And I got a fever and started turning pale, like a mothball

They took me to a crowded hospital, supposedly
In the ER, the receptionist was listening to the lottery (thirty thousand bucks!)
Someone have pity on me, I shouted, losing consciousness
And a nurse leaned in close and said to me
Calm down, Bobby, calm down

She stroked me with her Bengay hands and asked: What's wrong, athlete?
And I told her in detail what had happened to me
We need to check your pressure, but the room's busy
And, my dear, in this hospital, there's no power for an EKG

I opened my eyes wide like a full moon and held my head, ha
Because it’s really tough to go over Niagara on a bicycle

Don’t tell me the doctors have left (oh-oh-oh)
Don’t tell me they don’t have anesthesia (oh-oh-oh)
Don’t tell me they drank all the booze (oh-oh-oh)
And that the sewing thread was stitched into a tablecloth
Don’t tell me the tweezers are lost (oh-oh-oh)
That the stethoscope is partying (oh-oh-oh)
That the X-rays are fried (oh-oh-oh)
And that the IV was used to sweeten the coffee
Yeh-eh-eh-eh, eh-eh-eh

I leaned on her shoulders, like a cripple with a crutch
And I said: What do I do, princess?
And on a prescription pad, she sweetly wrote (princess)
I’m sorry, athlete (what’s gonna happen to me?)
She stroked me with her Bengay hands (princess)
And went on her way (what’s gonna happen to me?)

And I clearly heard when she said to another patient (my princess)
Calm down, Bobby, (calm down) (what’s gonna happen to me?)
I lowered my eyes halfway (princess) and held my head (what’s gonna happen to me?)
Because it’s really tough (princess) to go over Niagara on a bicycle (what’s gonna happen to me?)

Don’t tell me the doctors have left (oh-oh-oh)
Don’t tell me they don’t have anesthesia (oh-oh-oh)
Don’t tell me they drank all the booze (oh-oh-oh)
And that the sewing thread was stitched into a tablecloth
Don’t tell me the tweezers are lost (oh-oh-oh)
That the stethoscope is partying (oh-oh-oh)
That the X-rays are fried (oh-oh-oh)
And that the IV was used to sweeten the coffee
Yeh-eh-eh-eh, eh-eh-yeh

Niagara on a bicycle, eh-eh-eh

On a bicycle, oh, no

Don’t tell me someone’s falling from so much pain
Don’t tell me someone’s falling
Don’t tell me the aspirin changes color
Don’t tell me the aspirin
Don’t tell me they’re birthing me, that it’s lacking love
Don’t tell me someone’s birthing
Don’t tell me it’s beating in me, oh, no, oh, no

Don’t tell me someone’s falling from so much pain
Don’t tell me someone’s falling
Don’t tell me the aspirin changes color
Don’t tell me the aspirin
Don’t tell me they’re birthing me, that it’s lacking love
Don’t tell me someone’s birthing
Don’t tell me it’s beating in me, oh, no, oh, no

Don’t tell me someone’s falling from so much pain
Don’t tell me the aspirin changes color
Don’t tell me they’re birthing me, that it’s lacking love, oh-oh
Don’t tell me it’s beating in me, oh, no
Don’t tell me someone’s falling