Metrosexual

I have a bush of hair on my balls
that makes me look just like the Duchess of Alba
I've dyed it blonde
and my hair gets dry
it's a very pretty blonde
a 'David Beckham' blonde

I have very black nails
I mark my underwear if I fart
and I leave the bathroom covered in pee when I pee
but I look in the mirror
and I don't see myself so bad
I'm a metrosexual guy

I have a round and greasy belly
it's just like a beach ball
all filled with gas
sometimes it's a fart
and other times, it's a burp
if I drink a soda

I have an infected foreskin
due to neglecting hygiene
and I have a pus pimple on the tip of my penis
I have a scab covering
my entire groin area
I'm a metrosexual guy

And now I'm looking for my soulmate, my princess
one of those who change their pad every now and then
with a fecal odor in the anal region
with a phobia and aversion to shaving
with the crotch
white from cottage cheese

I have very hard and greasy hair
it doesn't move, I'm like a 'Playmobil' figure
I have halitosis and tartar
dandruff, warts, and eczema
and red and greenish blood when I spit phlegm

I suffer constant itching
I have a huge double chin
perpetual scabies in the armpit and rotten teeth
I release a garbage scent
which is my body sweat
I'm a metrosexual guy
I have a stretch mark on my anus
from when I strain to poop
I'm a metrosexual guy
I'm your metrosexual guy...