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Brock Ansiolitiko
She Left
Hey, it says
Only you
I have this theory that the clearest things are seen from a distance
And this crazy habit of writing songs for her that I swore I wouldn’t do
She left so cold that the goodbye kiss ended in pneumonia
But so empty that to fill her life, I had to lose mine
I got home past 4 and the doormat at the door asks for her shoes
And her absence is dancing in the eyes of our cats
And it only heals me sometimes, but it hurts all the time
How do I get over it when I have zero tact to make zero contact?
How hard it is to let go of someone who let you go first
When inside you still say: Run, go, I’m waiting for you
But how strange it is to feel without seeing, but stranger still is not seeing our being
Why must it first be about wanting to love each other to not lose ourselves by loving without wanting?
That’s why I think about forgetting even though I think of her, to forget I thought of her
And even though I smile imagining her return, I cried more times remembering she left
I wasn’t happy and didn’t know how to see it, my scar is named her memory
Do you see that blue and gray body? I died of love, alright
And still, I think that dying isn’t seeing me there, but dying without seeing each other
I cried a thousand winters, and in the thousand and first, I saw her there, in a slip, I froze the end to make us eternal
No more pretending to do it, because that shade is different
Between laughing while being happy and smiling without being it
And she left like the things we love the most leave
Without a slam and a hug full of silence
That didn’t sound like the phrases of what we don’t do
Some afternoon, one of these days, we’ll see
She dispersed like a shadow behind a mirror
And walked away without a 'I told you,' without a 'I’m leaving'
And in a puddle, she left her image, stepped on the reflection
And splashed to send herself further away each time
And she left me like things are left when fleeing
After a tsunami, an earthquake, or some fire
With the hope that when leaving, everything stays still
Like a photo, a stain, like a memory
And she forgot me like the desert forgets a chrysanthemum
Like the music from a club we don’t return to
That didn’t sound like the phrases we won’t say anymore
I pour you coffee, I lend you a hand, I miss you
I clean every day and in my robot vacuum, there are still her hairs
What an irony, she reminds me with her absence that she’s still here
I always told her I loved her like always, and she always replied
Just like an AI trained to say 'I love you' that she didn’t feel
I have no sight left to see myself so broken, nor the sense of smelling her goodbye
I never had the tact to pretend to be deaf, I no longer have the taste to call her love
Now that my heart has become devoted, I give my pieces in the name of God
These are two parts that speak of us and this is an us that splits in two
Take care of love because it wears out and fades very quickly
Especially when giving everything isn’t enough
Like wilted flowers in a swamp
The old must die for something new to be born
And even though it breaks us to think of every moment
The person you remember left you a long time ago
That’s why you grow when you finally understand
That no one dies of love but love is dying
No, no, no, it’s not pride, it’s self-love
I’m tired of fixing myself just to break
I compare the present and don’t know if I’ve become less strong
Or if loving at 34 hurts more than loving at 20
She took my luck, my desire, and my hunger
And my love only filled two big suitcases
She took my soul, my flesh, and my blood
And the desire to fall in love again
And she left like the things we love the most leave
Without a slam and a hug full of silence
That didn’t sound like the phrases of what we don’t do
Some afternoon: One of these days, we’ll see
She dispersed like a shadow behind a mirror
And walked away without a 'I told you,' without a 'I’m leaving'
And in a puddle, she left her image, stepped on the reflection
And splashed to send herself further away each time
And she left me like things are left when fleeing
After a tsunami, an earthquake, or some fire
With the hope that when leaving, everything stays still
Like a photo, a stain, like a memory
And she forgot me like the desert forgets a chrysanthemum
Like the music from a club we don’t return to
That didn’t sound like the phrases we won’t say anymore
I pour you coffee, I lend you a hand, I miss you
Only you
Can make all this world seem right
Only you
Can make the darkness bright