Mi Peor Momento

I smile all the time even though I’m dead inside
I give my all, even in my worst moment
When I get mad, sometimes I say things I don’t mean
I feel them in the moment and then I regret it

And even though my heart beats, sometimes I don’t feel alive
I can only express myself sometimes when I write
Sometimes I can’t catch my breath and feel like I’m fading
Like Justin’s death was some kind of punishment

Where do I carry this heart?
Because it feels like I’m carrying too much
I kneel down, but still
I lose faith, even with support
I don’t know what it is, but something’s off
Lately, I lock myself away and don’t go out
I feel like I’ve forgotten my worth
I think I’m about to explode like a firecracker

This fight isn’t getting any easier
I spend my time crying in the shower
Sometimes I kneel down to talk to Jesus, but I feel like he doesn’t hear me anymore
I feel like a storm is chasing me and I’m without an umbrella or a hood
Grandma tells me not to lose hope, but I don’t have much left

I swear to you
That I don’t even feel safe at home anymore
My heart is hurt, tell me, where do I heal it?
I’ve always been so pure

That’s why life has hit me hard
For being a fool, for being stubborn
For trusting, I’ve become insecure
How do I get out of this dark side?

A couple of years ago, I met anxiety, panic, and depression
Lying in bed, not moving, with my heart racing
But I learned that letting my own mind control me is a choice
And I’ve known for a while that diamonds are made under pressure

People I considered my brothers
Those who told me they loved me
Those same ones tried to cut me off after I lent a hand
Life has made me cold, cold, cold as ice
Because I helped assholes who, when it was their turn, left me alone

Where do I carry this heart?
Because it feels like I’m carrying too much
I kneel down, but still
I lose faith, even with support

I don’t know what it is, but something’s off
Lately, I lock myself away and don’t go out
I feel like I’ve forgotten my worth
I think I’m about to explode like a firecracker

I smile all the time even though I’m dead inside
I give my all, even in my worst moment
When I get mad, sometimes I say things I don’t mean
I feel them in the moment and then I regret it

And even though my heart beats, sometimes I don’t feel alive
I can only express myself sometimes when I write
Sometimes I can’t catch my breath and feel like I’m fading
Like Justin’s death was some kind of punishment

When my little brother left
I thought I couldn’t go on
That I couldn’t do it
Doubt and uncertainty took over me

But no, that’s not how it was
And that’s not how it is
Life is full of ups and downs
And some of us get more downs than ups

But just being alive
Makes life a divine storm that’s worth going through
And above all, surviving it.